Topics from the lunch table in San Francisco

Melinda: To be truthful, I have always been attractive to men and had my druthers, as it were. I live in a medium-sized town and travel in a circle where we basically have each other tagged and pegged. For that reason, when Pierre gave me the rush, I held back. That dude was trouble, and I knew it. I'm not a metro-masochist who likes cold-hearted men, so I wanted no part of him. He wept, he sent roses, wrote poetry, long letters. Pleaded. Finally I gave in and started to do dinner with him and other things but still held him at arm's length. Finally his tenderness, constant attention, and thoughtfulness convinced me that, as he kept claiming, I was the right one for him. You can pretty well picture the line of conversation: "the others - I was just screwing around - but when you came along I knew right away you were THE ONE! My past is nothing, you are everything, and I feel completely different about you than I ever did about anyone else."
Ann: And you believed this?
Belinda: I fell for his sensitivity and insight as much as anything else, though he's gorgeous. Hey, let me tell you right now: along the way I was careful to absolutely be myself - no party manners - so he would know who I am and if he wanted me as such.
Ann: That much was smart.
Belinda. At first, maybe, but then I turned myself over to him body and soul, moved into his flat, and waited for the engagement ring he'd promised.
Ann: But instead of jewelry shopping, he started inching out of the bed?
Belinda: Exactly. It was as if I had to repay his for the effort he made to get me: beg him for attention, conversation, sex, and a kind word. I could tell you so many episodes.
Ann: So you felt worse and worse about yourself as he became ever more distant and critical.
Belinda: After hours of hidden tears, I decided to talk things out with him, planned to wait until Sunday night. That way he would have had a weekend to unwind from work so might be open and receptive. I also planned a delicious dinner - veau roit with chanterelles - and splurged on a subtle wine from Bordeaux. We never did have that talk, because on Friday he told me to move out; it was over between us.
Ann: Did he weep and say he wasn't good enough for you?
Belinda No, he bailed with the nonchalance of someone flicking a fly off his vest. What kind of a guy would be such a Dr. Jekkyl and Mr. Hyde?
Ann: You answered your own question; J and H should be his name. He probably developed a deep-seated resentment of women during the nine months before he drew his first breath. The guy is one step up from a wife beater. Charm is a notable characteristic of the sociopath; this is a widely held psychiatric tenet, and these men (women) know how to seduce. Once they have their prey, being unkind provides the payoff.
Belinda:L Chalk it up. I'm less dumb now (hopefully).
Ann: I wonder if anyone can suggest amusingpaybacks?
LUNCH # 2:
Marilyn: Who do you like to play Bernie Madoff in the inevitable biopic?
Ann: I like Jack Nicholsen but would love to hear what others think.
Marilyn: Am worried about everything: the economy, Iran's nukes, etc. Are they going to go for it? What do you think?
Ann: There's an old saying in the West: don't carry a gun unless you plan to use it, and if you use it, be sure the other guy or his friends can't shoot back.
Marilyn: And AUIG bonuses! Don't getme started.
Ann: Pretty soon the lawyers will start to feast. I'm so so fed up with the waste of taxpayers' money in the legal system I could scream. Trials drag on and on while the lawyers play tricks rather than trying to find the truth. Once convicted, a felon can appeal endlessly - for years, if not decades. Once the AIG and Madoff lawyers start in, the government will have to hire extra legal hands - you know what I'm saying. Hope someon has a solution. In the beginning, our country was small and its constitution drawn up by like-minded friends. It has stretched pretty well, considering the population has gone from around 4 million to around 280 million. With our size, everything becomes cumbersome, and some of the simpler solutions to crime and punishment are not practical. One of my favorite justice systems is practiced by a small tribe along the Sepic River in New Guinea. The punishment for a robbery, or other social offense, is to bear the burden of cooking a feast for your entire village- using your own pigs, vegetables and taro root (a main staple in the Samoan diet).
Lunch #3:
Edwarda: I work in a large company, and my boss is the most low-tech human being that ever lived. My job is not rote; it involves finding solutions. Solutions require data that in time will provide insight, right? Well, thank God for the Internet. I can search for a morning and find something that might have taken months before. Yes, I'm a Google Whacker. It's the best search engine out there, but you have to spend some time thinking to the right two words to enter. But you know that. My question is: how can I get my boss to stop popping in and hinting that I am wasting time when I'm right in the middle of something?
Ann: You might try boring him to death by extensive descriptions of your search results of the morning, the technology involved, the approach you devised, and share where you hope to go with all the above. Writers look out the window when trying to find the sublime phrase; we're working as we stare; everyone says that. The best kind of boss is the results-oriented person who doesn't care how you arrived as long as you got somewhere. Micromanagers have been shown to kill off creativity. Maybe some will differ with that opinion, I don't know.
Edwarda: I'm disgusted by these CEOs and their obscene salaries plus the moneymen who spin financial instruments that take three pages to describe.
Ann: Some CEOs are criminals (and I choose to forego the term "white collar") who have inflicted immense harm on so many. Vultures prey greedily and unscrupulously, according to popular definition. Now all this shredding, debt concealing, manipulation, lies, evasions, and (soon) taking the Fifth Amendment disgusts the nation and world. Do you think their buddies in Washington DC will figure out a way to avoid punishing them adequately?
Edwarda: Right. Men who destroy the financial lives of those who trusted them as employers are cannibals of a sort, or at least people who have lost their spiritual centers. They're the types who, even when they win a rat race, they're still rats; as to their predictable conduct on a sinking ship: you know that. I think that before bailout/Madoff (one ball of wax) ends, you will see a new definition of stonewalling.
Lunch #4:
Mary-Helen: I don't know what's wrong with me; I never seem to catch the waves. My dotcom company went bust, my marriage lasted two years door-to-door, and now I've discovered my ex maxed out my credit cards before departing. I am having trouble finding a new job and man and don't know why. Are some people just unlucky?
Ann: Napoleon said luck favors the prepared mind. My thought for you is to do an in-depth assessment: what are your skills, preferences, dreams? What do you WANT to do? Once you get a sense of having a career that will help you be the person you want to be, rather than just a job, the rest will take care of itself. All jobs are for everybody now, unless they actually require sperm or eggs. Be happy; work for that happiness. You say joblessness is rising? Well, I guess that's not too lucky.
Lenore (third person present at lunch): I have specialized skills and am irreplaceable to my boss. I plan to insist on a raise. Should I make the request in writing or in person?
Ann: The only person who is irreplaceable is self-employed.
Lunch#5
Andrea: OK, I'm just a teenager, but this is true, adult love. I mean, what I feel for Justin. We've been blissful until lately . I believe he's thinking about other girls, and he says I am jealous and need to cure myself of this negative trait. I'll list what's gone on, and you can decide. A girl in my class has always openly wanted him, and last night she gave a party, and he spent at least half the time chatting her up and leaving me alone. I cried the whole way home. Last week our school won an important basketball game, and I rushed up to congratulate Justin, the point guard. He was polite but then went over to tell the cheerleaders what a help they were. He calls me "Duckling," which I thought was just for me, but it turns out he calls almost all girls ducklings. He cancels dates saying he has to do his homework. My friends claimshe cheated on his last two girlfriends. I had a chance to check his cell phone, and the numbers he had programmed in. I was there but so were a lot of others. Is he OK, and am I stupidly jealous over nothing.
Ann: You may be jealous, all right, but with good reason. Oscar Wilde said "Loving oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance." Justin is therefore always going to be a happy camper, sampling the delicacies of life. He does not sound like the faithful type. You have a lot in your life besides him: family, friends, learning, sports, the movies, the planet, and you need to accept yourself and get mad, rather than letting jealousy, a most corrosive emotion, consume you.
Andrea: But -
Ann: When he talks to another girl, talk to another guy, when he breaks a date, do the same thing. You'll feel better about yourself, and he will respect you more, through his anger. He knows what he's doing and will not tolerate the same tricks being played on him. Will probably walk, but great! You're rid of the jerk, you see how he reacted to his own medicine, and you took control. You'll stand taller, girl. Maybe others will have different ideas. We'll see.